In Defense of Tigger

As I did not wake up with my head in the sand this morning, I have been riveted to the latest offering of "news" from every media outlet on the planet. "Tigger" the lovable Disney scamp with a penchant for the bouncy-bouncy (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more), supposedly sucker-punched a 14 year old kid this weekend at Walt Disney World in Orlando.

Of course, good ol' Dad is wasting no time assembling the legal team in what could be the trial of the century. Or the week, I forget which one is shorter.

At any rate, this kid's dad, hereafter known as "douche-Dad", got the whole thing on video. The only YouTube uploads of the video are the edited for news versions, where they are only showing the actual "punch" itself, without any of the lead-in. WFTV, Channel 9 in Orlando, seems to be the only station with the balls to put the whole unedited video online.

Here it is. However, I don't know how long that link will be good.

If you were able to watch that video, please note two important things:

1) After the first Tigger photo-op with this family, there is a lot of upside-down camera time, where you hear douche-Dad talking to both his family members and to Tigger. It is apparent from what he is saying that things are already not going well for Tigger at that point. Lots of "Oops, I'm on your head, sorry Tigger" and that sort of thing.

2) Please, take a look at the 14 year old kid in question. I can sum up this kid in one word:

punk-ass-bitch

Is that one word or three? I going to count it as one 'cause it's hyphenated.

Look at the way that he's dressed. He's wearing a wife-beater t-shirt, baggy jeans with a big wallet chain, and fingerless leather gloves. Fingerless leather gloves for Christ's sake! Who the hell dresses like that to go to Disney World? It is apparent that the douche didn't fall far from the douche-tree.

Look, I'm not saying that Tigger bitch-slapped the little punk just because he was dressed like a little punk. What I'm saying is that I've seen enough little punk-ass kids like this in my life to know exactly how they act when they get into wholesome family situations. They act like an obnoxious little punk. If you can watch that video and think that this kid isn't doing something snotty and rude with the arm behind Tigger's back, then you deserve a big Tigger-slap too. It is actually not even clear whether the Tigger-slap was on purpose, or if he was just turning around in reaction to the unseen abuse going on behind him.

Here's what needs to happen in this situation. First, douche-Dad needs to quickly and quietly drop the lawsuit. Second, he needs to take his family back home to New Hampshire. Third, he needs to Tigger-slap the hell out of his delinquent son until all of the punk is knocked out of him.

The problem with so many of these god-awful parents these days is that they don't think that their kids are capable of being the horrible little demon-spawn that they are allowing them to grow up to be. These kids could be in a back alley, beating a homeless person to death with baseball bats, and Mom and Dad would call the police to arrest the homeless person for "harassing" their darling little angel.

If I'd been at Disney that day, I probably would have smacked this little punk too. Just on principle.